Perpetual Unbalance

Ok, so much has been going on that I haven't had a lot of time to just sit down and write actual content about my life.

So, my sister had court last week in New Braunfels for her sentencing hearing. Yours truly provided taxi service. Honestly, I didn't mind, I really do love spending time with my sister. Court was scheduled for Tuesday morning and I really hoped it didn't take all day for them to get to her. It's about a 4 hour drive from where we live so we drove down the night before and got a hotel room. Austin is on the way so we stopped in and had a few drink on 6th street. I love going out with my sister, she is possibly the funnest person. I'm really glad we got to spend that time together because the next morning the judge ordered her to go into a 6 week treatment facility and she was taken into custody right then. I talked to her probation officer and I've heard good things about this program so I hope it helps her. In the meantime we are just writing back and forth, keeping in touch that way. I already miss her so much!


In other news, my mom has a boyfriend! I'm so excited for her, I just hope that he doesn't hurt her. She is eager to have a good relationship with a worthy man. Unfortunately I got way more information than I wanted when C decided to ask her about her weekend.

C - Is he good in bed?

me - (jaw on the floor) I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT!

mom - (simutaneouly and emphatically) Yes he is! It's been a long time.

me - (before I could stop myself) how long has it BEEN?

mom - 11 years

me - WTF!?!? (other than that I was speechless)

How the hell do you go 11 years without sex? I mean really? Is that possible or perhaps my mom just has superhuman strength?

This is an awesome idea that Dana over at Mombian. June 1st, the date exactly between Mother's day and Father's day and the first day of Pride month. I hope everyone will join me in participating in this wonderful event. Go check out how to participate in Blogging for LGBT Families Day.

The plan was for me to stay with my best friend until my mom got her own place. I liked living there. Her mom was so cool. I really think this is where my life took a big turn. Not to say that I didn't make some unwise choices even after moving in with them. But I believe it would've been much worse. Think back to when you were growing up. While at your friend's house, would you ever disrespect or talk back to their parents? I know I wouldn't, and I didn't. That was a change for me. I learned to respect her mother and admire her. She never resented the extra burden of having another teenager in the house. She never asked my mom for anything. Everything she did for her own daughter she did for me. She was by no means financially well off. However, we never went without the things we needed, nor many of the things that we wanted. She took over the responsibility for me as if I had been born to her. I fell in love with her as a mother over those next 3 years. I love her with a passion that can only be felt for very few people in life. She loved me when she didn't have to, she made a choice to. I saw from an outside view the struggles she faced raising now 2 teenage girls. She showed me compassion and unconditional love and taught me to see it in my mom. It was so easy for me to get into a self-pitying mode with my mother because I wasn't in a position where I could take a step back and really look at the situation.

So eventually I did start to rebel in my own ways. My best friend got pregnant when we were 14 and I ended up pregnant at 15. My best friend's daughter was only a few months old when I found out I was pregnant. I saw how much my friend's mother struggled to care for her new granddaughter as well as us and decided to move back with my mom. I really wanted to be with my mom during this time and so off I went.

My mom was living in Missouri at the time.

Ok, I thought this would be fun so I stole it from Sassy.

The ABCs of Me

Accent: Texas Twang
Booze: I like Apple Martinis, Smirnoff Green Apple, Jager Bombs and shots of Chocolate Cake.
Chore I Hate: Yard work
Dog or Cat: Neither, although I like both cats and dogs. I just couldn't possibly handle the responsibility of yet another living creature.
Essential Electronics: cell phone, computer
Favorite Cologne: Truth by Calvin Klein
Gold or Silver: Silver
Hometown: born in Aurora, IL but mostly raised in Arlington, TX.
Insomnia: When I'm really stressed out. Otherwise I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow.
Job Title: Policy Maintenance Trainer.
Kids: 3, my oldest daughter just turned 13, I have a son in the middle and he's 5, and my youngest daughter is 3.
Living Arrangements: Sometimes it seems like a zoo. My family lives with me. It's my girlfriend and I, my 3 kids, my mom, my sister, and her 10 year old daughter.
Most Admirable Traits: I don't know, I'm a very giving person.
Number of Sexual Partners: Like as in count them all up?
Overnight Hospital Stays: Several, I had pneumonia several times as a young child, I had my tonsils removed, once for a kidney infection, and 4 times for labor and delivery.
Phobias: Snakes, spiders, and being all alone (yet I crave that).
Quote: Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things only hoped for.
Religion: I'm spiritual but not religious.
Siblings: I have 2 brothers that I rarely see, we did not grow up together and I have one sister. We are two years apart in age, me being the older more responsible one. Her and I have a very close relationship and a deep bond although we live two totally different lives.
Time I Wake Up: 5:00 during the week and as late as possible on the weekends.
Unusual Talent or Skill: Hmmmm, I have no idea.
Vegetable I Love: Corn, green beans.
Worst Habit: Smoking
X-Rays: Of my teeth, nothing major.
Yummy Foods I Make: Texas enchiladas, Lemon herb chicken ring, Broccoli salad
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

So if you made it all the way through reading this, now it's your turn, go do it! :)

Ok, so I was cruising The Lesbian Lifestyle and I saw a banner for this. Of course I had to promote it!

So go check it out!!!

Ok, so I this is a little late. I actually started this on Friday.

A letter to my oldest daughter:

Wow, I can't believe it's been 13 years since I began my life as a mother. It's been an amazing 13 years and I have cherished every moment of it. I remember when my mom used to tell me she loved me and I would say it back to her. Every once in awhile she would look at me as though she could see to the depths of my soul and she would tell me "You'll never know how much I love you." Ok, so I thought she was weird, I was like "yeah, ok mom". But 13 years ago today, I realized what she meant. You will never understand how much I love you until you have children of your own. You will love many people, in different ways, and some even very deeply, but the love you have for your children is like no other love you will ever experience. It was comforting to think back to when my mom would say those that to me and realize just what she meant by it, to know that I was loved as much as I now love you. I never thought about the love I have for you before I had children. It wasn't something I could ever have possible understood even existed. Once I felt that, I couldn't imagine ever loving someone that much. But I did, I love your brother and sister just like that too. But it's different with each one of you. For you, you were my first born, there will never ever be another first born for me. I was able to love you selfishly for the first 18 months of your life. I didn't have to share you with anyone. As hard as it was to be a single parent, I cherish that time when it was you and I. Then I got to share you with your father, I didn't realize how much I wanted someone to share your achievements with. It was so much fun to be able to tell him what new thing you did and know and be able to see that he was every bit as excited about it as I was. My love for you only grew from being able to share that with someone else. You and I have a special bond, I hope you understand how much you mean to me even though I know that won't be possible until you have that love for a child. May you live the life you dream of baby. You truly are a unique young lady and I love you so very much. Happy Birthday!

After 11 months of seperation he still wants to get back together. Today we were discussing a few childcare issues and my inability to place my kids in childcare while they are with me. It's not a big problem right now because my mom watches them for me. Anyway, he pops off and says "That's why we should've worked it out". It makes me so sad every time he says something about it, which isn't very often anymore, but still. I know I made the right choice for me, but he is having a hard time letting go. I'm not sure why, probably an accumilation of things, but it made me cry when he said that. I don't like knowing how much I've hurt him and I don't want to continue to hurt him by having to discuss it, so I just didn't say anything. I wish he would move on but I know it's hard.

I've had a really bad headache for 3 days, my neck hurts, I'm exhausted, and I started.

Well, it's been relatively quiet around my house. My sister is still in jail, we've gone to visit her and enjoyed seeing her again. I miss her, as much of a headache as she could be, I really do miss her.

The current trauma of the household is my oldest daughter's birthday is Friday, she is supposed to be having a dance in our backyard... problem is, it's supposed to rain. So I guess we will have to postpone it. Sucks!

Other than that, let's see... C is doing well in school so far, they even had their first field trip. They went to the mall for their field trip, all in all it took them about an hour. So they got out of class about 3 1/2 hours early and ended up going to Hooter's afterwards to drink free beer. Ok, when the hell did school get fun like that. Maybe I should go back?! The hours are hard on her but she's handling it like a champ! I tell you what, this whole working full time and going to school full time is really KILLING my sex life! Arrrggghhhh!!!

In other news... we now have neighbors. That. Is. Not. A. Good. Thing. I've gotten used to not having any neighbors beside me. We live in a duplex and have had it all to ourselves, well our half anyway. But we didn't have to worry about where we parked our cars, or how we parked them. Just shit like that. I don't think the dad can talk without yelling. He was yelling er, I mean asking me about my electricity and started going off in a rant about the electricity companies. Wasn't here 2 hours and was mumbling something about wanting to go back to the country, he said there are too many bills, too many people, and too many policy. I say TYA!

Hmmm, I guess that's it. Just kind of boring, day to day stuff.